I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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