hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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