sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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