Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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