A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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