just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
