I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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