no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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