I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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