I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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