I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
