Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
