ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
