redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
