Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
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if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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