uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Randomize
