This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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