You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
