i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
