I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
