I faked an abortion last night.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize