So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
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I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
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I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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