Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
