I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
