Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
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Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
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I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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