if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
This is classic penis vs brain.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
