Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
