I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize
