Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
