note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
