I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
