i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
