i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
