He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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