who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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