Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
