I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
