I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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