And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
