Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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