i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
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