call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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