I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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