she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
