I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Randomize
