5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
