i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
