it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
