I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize