happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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