Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
