you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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