Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
