I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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