When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
