If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
