Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
