Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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