the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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