Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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