The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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