I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
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