Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
May the power of my ass compel you!!
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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