I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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