That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
