You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
