omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
You dont lie about slip and slides
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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