The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Sext me about skeletons
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
